....It was wonderful to come out there and spend some time with all of you! What a very sweet and special family you all are. It is encouraging to my heart in many respects, to see how wonderful and fulfilling your individual and collective lives are, and yet I am personally hurt for myself in many ways also because of my own situation in life and how my own life and circumstances fall so far short of where I thought I would be at this point in my life, when I was at your age and in your position. I suppose that when we are young we all need those dreams of future desires and plans to help us make it and have the energy to move on forward to accomplishment.  

Thank you for sharing with me again what I, and my life, have meant to you personally, to help you get to the place you are in your life now. It means so much to me to know that. But even at that, what I shared with you and how I helped you, was in the past, and in great respects, how I lived and what my life was before the divorce. My life has changed SO much, and it's hard for me to see how my life now could possibly have the same impact for the Lord that it did back in my days of innocence, and before the dreaded abomination ( the big "D"). All I really can do now is love people unconditionally, and accept them for who they are, in hopes that some how they will see, and feel, Him more clearly. But my being the example of the perfect little family, living the inspired, scripturally based example (as your precious family and that of the Sweatmans is) went out the window with Max. It just hurts so! It hurts that someone else's choices can change my dreams and desires so drastically and dramatically, without my having a say in it. I can only hold on to the scripture that says in Rom. 8:28, ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE THAT LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. I believe His Word to be true, and I can only trust Him, and It, for the fulfillment of it.  

People just don't truly understand what an abomination a divorce really is, especially in a Christian family! The destruction that is done can only truly be seen through Heavens eyes and God weeps for us as families, and as a nation, who supposedly serve Him, because we can't seem to understand how very devastating divorce is and what a terrible example it is to the children, the community, and the entire world. Max said to me once, "Why can't you seem to accept this and get over it like everyone else does? Divorce happens every day and it's completely accepted and acceptable. After all, God wants us to be happy and doesn't expect us to live in a marriage if we know longer love the person. People move on and are even friends through it. Why can't you move past this?" (paraphrased)  

Loveless? Who didn't love? I can't tell you how much I loved him. He never seemed to get it, as years went by and the warm fuzzies settled into plain hard work in a relationship. Heaven knows I tried and went out of my way to show him.  

I go back and forth between, God will glorify Himself through this somehow, and the glory is gone and done with when His acceptable and perfect Will was put aside. Now it's just getting by for a lessor blessing. That of a thimble instead of an ocean.  

Even my brother-in-law who is now a Pastor, said to me way back when this happened, "We're sorry for what you and the boys are going through, but Max is a good guy and he didn't do anything to hurt us personally." WHAT?????????????????????????????????????? Look what this has done to me, to my sons, and to the testimony of Jesus Christ!! To say nothing of the family structure in the community and in this world. Our divorce alone has hurt the name of God in ways we can't even fathom. And God weeps for our sin and our flippant attitude towards divorce. Especially in the church!  

Look at the personal confidence and successfulness of all of Tom and Alice's boys and their own families now. Their wise choices, and there outcomes for the good of the Kingdom, as well as the community. Don't tell me that Tom and Alice didn't have hard times, even in their own marriage. I'm sure that they did, but they lived for the Lord and for His Glory. They put His Kingdom first before their own "happiness." They know what the word commitment is. And they lived by that commitment. It paid off, and so will yours. Hang in there and know that it IS worth it.